It’s not working anymore. The way things used to work. These are the thoughts swirling around in my head. I am not saying things aren’t working as they should, not at all, all I am saying is it isn’t working in the way that I am used to. I am talking both about ‘working’ in terms of how something functions, but also working in a literal sense, as in working life. I’ve felt called to work in a new way for a long time, but it’s as though I’ve only been preparing for this to happen “in the future”. Now, it seems to me, it is “the future”.
I feel like the way I have been serving until now may have come to an end. I feel like I have been doing things that I am reasonably good at, but perhaps not what is in my highest capacity. I am not sure about this, but it’s a thought that keeps coming, keeps disturbing me a little bit. That I should stop wasting time doing things that others are far better at, and moving back into my own lane – whatever that is.
I hear someone thinking I am putting myself down, but this isn’t at all about that. I am thinking about our community as an organism in which every part (person) has an important and specific function, and if everybody isn’t stationed in their optimal position it is slowing down the process for the whole organism (or it doesn’t have to be ‘slow down’, because that assumes it has to be fast moving – perhaps ‘make worse’ is wording it in a better way). I am part of a whole working together, and I think that if I am stationed in my optimal position it means it will be better for everyone involved – myself included. Working in a new way means I cannot remove myself from my context, in other words “what’s in it for me” doesn’t make any sense. But also, “what’s in it for us” is a question that will imply I need to be thriving in my position, otherwise it isn’t the right one.
Right now I feel like my skills aren’t used in the best way they can be used, in a maximally beneficial way, and I want to find out what my right position is. Do you know yours?